


on account of my transgression, will you welcome this confession?

by imdepresssedd



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, alex is an oblivious boi, george is a jealous boi, james is the best boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:02:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24325480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imdepresssedd/pseuds/imdepresssedd
Summary: George wouldn’t say he’s jealous. He is, but he definitely wouldn’t say it.
Relationships: Alex Elmslie/Original Character(s), George Andrew/Alex Elmslie
Comments: 6
Kudos: 154





	on account of my transgression, will you welcome this confession?

**Author's Note:**

> back on my george + alex bullshit Yep Yep Yep we move
> 
> also i feel like i made the title too long but i just... love the song and it Just Fits with the fic and also literally everything i post on here has a ridiculously long title anyway so we'll just ignore that xx

George wouldn’t say he’s jealous. He  _ is,  _ but he definitely wouldn’t  _ say _ it.

He _will_ say that he’s only slightly bitter over the fact that the amount of time he spends with Alex has significantly dropped ever since Zach came into the picture; that seeing Alex smile lovingly down at his phone and chew on his hoodie strings shyly whilst the two lovebirds are face timing each other makes his skin crawl and his stomach twist painfully; that hearing Alex say the words _I love you_ in a dreamy tone to someone who isn’t him creates a lump in his throat and a sheen of water that pricks at his eyelids and threatens to seep out from behind them. But he won’t - under any circumstance - say that he’s jealous. Even as the green-eyed monster continues to consume him whole.

He is not - repeat, he is  _ absolutely not _ \- jealous.

/

“You are  _ so  _ fucking jealous, mate.”

James’s apartment is like a safe haven for when Zach comes over to see Alex. George doesn’t want to be anywhere near his own apartment when those two are together.

George glares at him, raising the bottle to his lips once more after telling him to, “shut the fuck up.”

James just shakes his head at him. They’ve had this conversation a million times over, and it’s the same every single time. James thinks he can see right through George - right through his unwavering exterior and his adamant denials. James thinks he knows it all. Sometimes, George is afraid he does know it all.

“Come on, man,” James pleads with him, despite knowing deep down that it’s a lost cause. George is stubborn, immovable. He won’t change unless he really wants to. “I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to at  _ least  _ acknowledge your own emotions.”

George doesn’t respond, just takes another swig. James contemplates taking the bottle from him, but something tells him that that bottle is grounding right now, something George needs, a mildly desperate escape. James knows all too well what that’s like.

“It’s too late.” It’s so quiet - muttered beneath George’s breath, small and vulnerable and punctuated by a shaky sigh - that James almost misses it. But he doesn’t.

“I know it feels that way, but you can’t mope forever. He needs you, you’re his best mate and soon he’s gonna notice that you aren’t around as much anymore - ” 

George’s head snaps up at that.  _ “He’s  _ the one that isn’t around as much anymore!  _ He’s  _ the one that’s suddenly forgotten he’s even got a flatmate. He probably hasn’t even noticed that I’m not in my room right now.” Another swig of his demon drink. “Yeah, trust me, I don’t think he ‘needs’ me at all.”

James sighs. “Okay, just … try to forget about Alex, alright - ”

“That’s why I came here, mong.”

“ - shut up. This is about  _ you  _ and your own sense of closure. You need to at least  _ admit  _ that you’re jealous, and that you’re in love with him. Maybe not to me, or to him, but to  _ yourself, _ for fuckin’ starters.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, mate,” George rolls his eyes. “Don’t need you to go all wise man on me. Am not in the mood.”

James takes that as his cue to drop it. He did all he could, and now he just needs to step back and let George take the reins.

“Wanna record a video with me?”

George smiles. The crestfallen look that seems to be a permanent expression of George’s as of late doesn’t completely crumple, but it’s something. He sets the bottle down on the table in front of him. “Let’s do it.”

/

Zach is long gone by the time George returns to the apartment a few hours later. It’s just Alex on the sofa, his legs tucked up against his chest as he watches the TV absently. He looks so cozy, so calm and content.

He looks up when the front door clicks shut, and George’s heart stutters in his chest when he smiles at him.

“Where were you?” he asks. His tone isn’t demanding, just curious.

George has to fight a scoff. _Maybe if you weren’t too busy snogging someone’s face off you would’ve heard me say I’m off to James’_ \- is what he wants to say, but he bites his tongue. Alex looks happy. He desperately wants it to stay that way.

“Was just at James’s place. Recorded some stuff for his channel.” He walks over to the sofa and plops down beside him, tries not to stare for too long for fear he won’t be able to activate his self-control. Alex has really nice lips. “Did you and Zach have fun?”

He immediately regrets asking. Alex’s cheeks turn a flowery shade of pink and he has to bite his bottom lip to - presumably - stop himself from smiling too big. George gulps down the rising bitter feeling. “Yeah,” Alex says, his tone light and embarrassed. “We just watched some films and - stuff. Was, uh, yeah, it was fun.” George doesn’t let himself dwell too hard on what Alex may mean by  _ stuff. _

He just nods in response, head swivelling to face the TV. A few minutes later, Alex breaks the comfortable silence.

“George.” His voice is quiet but firm. George turns to face him again.

“I … I need to ask you something, but you’re not allowed to get angry. Promise?”

George frowns, heart rate suddenly quickening. “What is it?”

“Promise first.”

George rolls his eyes. “I  _ promise.  _ Just tell me.”

Alex takes a deep breath. “What would you say if I were to move in with Zach?”

The silence is ugly, there’s no other word for it. George can’t hear anything but his own pulse and the blood rushing through his veins. He doesn’t mean to break the promise that’s barely a minute old, or maybe he does.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Alex? You’ve been dating him for what, a fucking month?”

Alex flinches at his tone, and George feels bad. Only a little. Or maybe a lot. He doesn’t know. He’s too fucking angry to see straight.

“I know, I - I’m not saying  _ straight away.  _ I mean, like, later on. When me and him have been together for longer, obviously. I just … wanted to let you know, just in case - ”

“Just in case  _ what?  _ Just in case you end up moving in with your stupid boyfriend? Just in case you decided to up and leave in the middle of the night and ride off into the sunset with someone you barely even fucking know? Just in case I can’t find a new roommate quick enough and end up having to pay the rent on my own? Just in case  _ what,  _ Alex? Just in case what?” he’s not even shouting, but Alex still flinches back, and George hates himself, but he can’t stop.

_ “No,  _ George. I just wanted you to know that it’s something I’m thinking about.”

George scoffs. “Right. Whatever.” He sits back against the sofa, fuming silently. He’s breathing hard. If he didn’t know any better he’d think there was steam shooting out of his ears, like some sort of ridiculous 1950s cartoon character.

“Honestly,  _ fuck  _ you, George. I don’t know what’s wrong with you lately, but it’s clear that you just don’t like seeing me happy.” He sounds more hurt than angry, and George  _ really  _ fucking hates himself.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been acting weird ever since I first started going out with Zach. You’re hardly ever at home anymore, and when you are you’re always moody or out of it or drunk. It’s okay if you don’t like Zach, I get that, I fuckin’ hated all of your exes but I never, ever said or did anything to try and belittle your relationships or make you feel like fucking shit for being in love. I didn’t  _ care  _ who you were with as long as you were  _ happy _ . But clearly you don’t feel the same way about me, you just can’t fucking  _ stand  _ that I’m happy, can you?”

George shakes his head, violently blinking back tears. “That’s nowhere near true, Alex. I  _ do  _ want you to be happy, and I’m glad that you are with Zach. But you barely fucking  _ know  _ him, Alex! You barely know him and you’re already making plans to move in with him? You can’t tell me that isn’t fucking crazy - ”

Alex gets off the sofa abruptly, cutting him off. “Yes, it is fucking crazy. And I’m doing it regardless of what you think. I thought I cared about your opinion and that’s why I told you, but honestly - just -  _ fuck  _ you, George. I’m moving in with Zach because he makes me happy. Good luck finding a new roommate.”

Before George can find any of his own words to retaliate, Alex is out the door.

10 minutes later, he gets a text from James.

_ Alex is here and he’s a fucking wreck wtf happened between you two? _

_ don’t wanna talk about it _

_ fine, i’ll just ask him. _

/

James can’t remember ever agreeing to be George and Alex’s respective agony aunt. He’s already used to George coming over to his every time he needs a ‘break’ from Alex’s relationship. And now Alex is the one in his living room, crying his eyes out.

He’s crying too much for James to understand a word of what he’s saying, so he quickly texts George with one hand, his other hand wrapped around Alex’s shoulders in a futile attempt to calm him down. George is, unsurprisingly, no help, so he turns to Alex again.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he asks softly, gently rubbing his friend’s shoulders in what he hopes is a soothing manner. He waits until Alex’s sobs have slightly quietened, but he’s still sniffling.

“George, he - I told him ‘bout wanting to move in with Zach at some point and he just got so - so  _ angry  _ for no reason. I don’t  _ get  _ it, James. I thought he would want me to be happy.” He sounds so broken, so genuinely lost and confused, and James’s heart goes out to him.

“He  _ does  _ want you to be happy, trust me. He just … ” James quickly realises that there’s really no way of explaining George’s behaviour without letting his secret slip. He can’t do that to George. He sighs and settles with, “he does want you to be happy, just … not with Zach.”

Alex pulls away from his embrace, looks up at him quizzically. “What’s that supposed to mean?” his eyes dart between James’, like there’s a specific answer he’s anticipating, hoping for, expecting. James throws caution to the wind and says fuck it.

“Okay, he’ll probably have my head on a platter for this, but you have the right to know - George loves you, Alex. And he’s just jealous, as much as he’ll try and deny it, it’s the truth. He wants you all to himself, and you know for a fact that jealousy turns him into a massive fucking prick.”

Alex releases a breath that James hadn’t realised he’d been holding. He watches carefully as the boy’s expression morphs from one extreme to another - shock, then realisation, then relief, then something James can’t seem to read. He doesn’t say anything, just sits and stares at his own hands for ages. James can practically see the cogs turning in his brain.

“Hey,” he says softly. “You okay?”

Alex turns to him, looks at him like he’s seeing him for the first time. He uses his sleeves to wipe away the remainder of the tears on his face. “Can I stay here tonight?” he whispers.

James smiles softly at him. “Of course, mate.”

/

George wakes up the following day to knocking at the front door. Alex still isn’t back and George pretends he doesn’t care.

For a second he thinks maybe it’s Alex on the other end, because the boy had forgotten to take his key with him, but when he opens the door, he’s met face to face with Zach.

“Oh.” He doesn’t bother being polite.

Zach clears his throat. “Uh, hi - ”

“He’s not here,” George snaps. He waits for Zach to fuck off, but he stays put.

George has no idea what Alex sees in him. Sure, he’s a decent height, and he’s got deep brown eyes and dark hair to match, and he dresses well, and his lips are full and pink and he has a kind smile, the kind that makes you feel instantly safe. But still. What does he have that George doesn’t?

“I know you don’t like me.”

“Oh, really? Well done, Sherlock.” George rolls his eyes.

Zach snorts. “Wow, thought you’d at least try to deny it,” he grins and George has never wanted to smash someone’s fucking face in so bad in his life.

“Whatever. What do you want, then? You’re here to see Alex, right? Well, like I said, he isn’t here, he’s gone to James’s apartment.” He goes to shut the door but Zach reaches up and stops it.

_ “What?”  _ George almost growls. He can’t help the sense of pride that swells in his chest when Zach flinches back slightly. George knows he can be quite scary when he’s angry.

“Just wanted to ask which apartment belongs to James.”

George rolls his eyes again. “It’s two floors up. Number 52.”

Before Zach can finish saying  _ thank you,  _ George has shut the door and retreated back to his bedroom.

/

It’s another 2 or so hours before there’s knocking at George’s door yet again. James had tried calling  _ and _ texting, but to no avail.

When he opens the door, George is scowling. He looks like he’s just rolled out of bed, hair untamed and eyelids refusing to open all the way. “What is it this time?”

James rolls his eyes. He decides there’s no point skirting around the topic; he cuts straight to the chase. “You need to get back to my flat with me. Alex needs you.”

George smirks, leaning casually against the doorframe and crossing his arms. James wants to smack him across the back of the head. “Oh yeah?” he drawls. “Does he need my help choosing what apartment to move into with Zach?”

James rolls his eyes. “No, you dickhead. He’s in there crying his eyes out and he wants you with him, which is why I’m here.”

And just like that the smugness is draining completely from George’s face and he’s standing up straight. “What? Why’s he crying?” his voice is so full of worry and concern and  _ love  _ and James can’t believe how utterly stupid he is.

“He’s just had a massive fight with his boyfriend and he won’t tell me what happened, just that he wants you there with him. He’s really upset, George.”

George says nothing, just nods and quickly pushes past him, rushing quickly toward James’s apartment. James hangs back, knowing very well that they’ll probably need to be alone for this one.

/

George’s heart pumps almost violently against his ribcage as he practically speed walks to James’ apartment. James had left the door only slightly ajar, presumably for him, and George walks in as quietly as he can, not wanting to startle Alex.

James hadn’t lied. Alex is curled in on himself, face smushed against a pillow as he sobs. George’s heart breaks.

He goes to sit next to him on the edge of the sofa. “Alex.”

Alex lifts his head at the sound. His eyes are bloodshot, his face scrunched up and tear-streaked. George just wants him close, just wants him bunched up against his chest, just wants to protect him and make him feel safe and happy and  _ fuck,  _ he just wants to love him. He refrains, though. Something tells him Alex still hasn’t forgiven him, and he can’t say he blames him.

“Zach and I broke up.”

“Oh. Fuck.” George had always believed that eventually hearing those 5 words would bring him joy, but hearing them from a broken, tearful Alex does nothing but tear his heart in two. “Why? What happened?"

_ “You _ happened.”

George freezes, thinking he couldn’t have possibly heard right. “What?”

Alex just swallows. “I fucking loved you, you know. I was  _ in love  _ with you for so long and I was sad all the fucking time because I knew you would never love me back. Not in the way that I loved you. I thought you were straight, and it broke me, George. I loved you  _ so  _ much.”

George can’t speak, still frozen. His mind fixates on Alex’s wording - I  _ loved  _ you. Loved.

Alex continues. “Then Zach came along and I thought I could do it. I thought I could finally have someone who - for  _ once  _ \- will actually love me back. Someone I  _ actually  _ have a bloody chance with, because I thought I never had a chance with you. I thought I finally had a shot at stability, a chance to feel loved and not lonely anymore. I forced myself to fall in love and I thought it worked. I thought I did it. I thought I was in love with him and I thought I’d gotten over you but then - then  _ James  _ \- ” he bites his lip and George doesn’t even realise he’s holding his breath.

“What? What about James?” he whispers, gaze darting back and forth between his eyes and his lips.

Alex meets his eyes. “James said you love me,” he whispers back. “He said you were jealous. And that you  _ love  _ me.”

George just nods slowly, words still failing him.

“Do you?” Alex asks, and George frowns. “Do you love me?”

George wants to scoff, wants to roll his eyes and say, incredulously,  _ how are you STILL asking that question? _ But he doesn’t. Instead, he surges forward and captures Alex’s lips in a searing kiss. He kisses him like it’s his last day on earth, like he’s a dying man and Alex’s mouth is the only antidote. He feels Alex kiss back, feels his arms wrapping around his neck, and he kisses him harder.

“Does that answer your question?” George pants, forehead leaning against Alex’s.

Alex nods, eyes still fixed on George’s mouth. “I love you, George. Always have.” Not loved.  _ Love. _

“I love  _ you,  _ so fucking much. More than anything.” He says it almost desperately, like he  _ needs  _ Alex to know that he’s never meant anything more in his entire life.

They kiss some more, and it’s everything George has ever wanted, everything he’s been dreaming of for as long as he can remember, everything he’s been too afraid to make into a reality - but it  _ is  _ a reality now, and he revels in it.

Alex’s cheeks are flushed once they’ve pulled apart. He’s so pretty it hurts. “George?” He says it quietly, and it makes George feel like they’re in their own private bubble that no one else has access to but them. He wouldn’t have it any other way. “Can we … can we take it slow?”

And George nods, says, “yes, of course we can,” because, in all honesty, he’ll do anything for Alex.

Jealousy turns George ugly, makes him damn near unlovable in a way he just can’t help. It’s a big green monster that eats away at his insides and manifests itself as one of the many voices in his head - but, when Alex leans forward and coaxes him once again into a gentle, languid kiss, George can’t help but think that maybe,  _ just _ maybe, everything will turn out okay in the end.

/

And when James wanders back into his own apartment an hour or so later and finds his two best friends cuddled up together on his sofa, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t over the moon.

**Author's Note:**

> side note i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who leaves kudos and lovely comments or even just bothers to read the stuff i post on here, you have no idea how happy it makes me and i appreciate every single one of you more than you know<3


End file.
